15 audio (mp3) records about : (namigonewild) (2024)

WEBVTT | Kind: captions

00:00:04.710 --> 00:00:04.720 | all right ivy

00:00:07.829 --> 00:00:07.839 | welcome back so

00:00:09.430 --> 00:00:09.440 | it's been it's been several months it's

00:00:10.870 --> 00:00:10.880 | been four or five months father you

00:00:12.310 --> 00:00:12.320 | since you were here last right

00:00:16.390 --> 00:00:16.400 | yeah what's going on um

00:00:20.150 --> 00:00:20.160 | and that's just some still judging still

00:00:20.950 --> 00:00:20.960 | thinking

00:00:22.950 --> 00:00:22.960 | are you still working yeah i'm still

00:00:24.070 --> 00:00:24.080 | working

00:00:25.029 --> 00:00:25.039 | and your daughter's with your

00:00:27.750 --> 00:00:27.760 | grandmother with her um

00:00:30.630 --> 00:00:30.640 | father my child's grubbing i mean mother

00:00:32.630 --> 00:00:32.640 | yeah

00:00:34.310 --> 00:00:34.320 | but you get to see your daughter still

00:00:42.790 --> 00:00:42.800 | sassy and how are you doing

00:00:45.110 --> 00:00:45.120 | um all right i'm all right i'm a lot

00:00:46.069 --> 00:00:46.079 | better

00:00:48.069 --> 00:00:48.079 | as far as like my attitude and stuff why

00:00:52.790 --> 00:00:52.800 | i don't know i've been talking to my mom

00:00:53.590 --> 00:00:53.600 | more

00:00:56.950 --> 00:00:56.960 | um it's good to be in contact with her

00:01:02.069 --> 00:01:02.079 | um to see my baby grow up

00:01:04.310 --> 00:01:04.320 | i don't know things that like i seem a

00:01:06.070 --> 00:01:06.080 | bit lighter

00:01:08.149 --> 00:01:08.159 | happier pray more you don't seem as down

00:01:09.990 --> 00:01:10.000 | as you were the last couple times we've

00:01:10.950 --> 00:01:10.960 | talked

00:01:13.990 --> 00:01:14.000 | trying to smile trying to

00:01:16.149 --> 00:01:16.159 | yeah you look good you look healthy

00:01:18.390 --> 00:01:18.400 | thank you

00:01:21.749 --> 00:01:21.759 | i still smoke like smoke more but yeah

00:01:24.390 --> 00:01:24.400 | crazy i still like healthy do you think

00:01:24.870 --> 00:01:24.880 | the

00:01:28.149 --> 00:01:28.159 | the drug use is is is part of

00:01:30.310 --> 00:01:30.320 | the problem i was watching yeah i was

00:01:32.710 --> 00:01:32.720 | watching your old videos and uh

00:01:34.789 --> 00:01:34.799 | it seems like the drug use is kind of

00:01:37.030 --> 00:01:37.040 | the core of the problem

00:01:40.310 --> 00:01:40.320 | yeah it is it's definitely a problem

00:01:41.990 --> 00:01:42.000 | it doesn't it doesn't help with the

00:01:44.069 --> 00:01:44.079 | depression either does that at all

00:01:45.190 --> 00:01:45.200 | right screwing around with your brain

00:01:46.870 --> 00:01:46.880 | chemistry just can't be a good thing

00:01:52.630 --> 00:01:52.640 | but it allows you to do that kind of

00:01:55.190 --> 00:01:55.200 | work right

00:01:58.550 --> 00:01:58.560 | i mean i've done it sober i've done it

00:02:02.230 --> 00:02:02.240 | hi this is gonna make a difference

00:02:05.030 --> 00:02:05.040 | it makes me more i guess bold my

00:02:09.109 --> 00:02:09.119 | personality a little bit but um

00:02:12.710 --> 00:02:12.720 | yeah more bold so yeah outspoken

00:02:14.390 --> 00:02:14.400 | yeah just you need you need to be bold

00:02:15.830 --> 00:02:15.840 | to do that kind of work right

00:02:23.190 --> 00:02:23.200 | tim is weak in the streets i'm sorry

00:02:25.190 --> 00:02:25.200 | you're timid it's like a sign of

00:02:26.550 --> 00:02:26.560 | weakness in that out there

00:02:35.350 --> 00:02:35.360 | but um yeah it's still

00:02:39.270 --> 00:02:39.280 | my drug use is messing with my

00:02:41.270 --> 00:02:41.280 | ability to be able to get my daughter

00:02:47.190 --> 00:02:47.200 | um so

00:02:49.190 --> 00:02:49.200 | her grandma will be taking custody of

00:02:50.470 --> 00:02:50.480 | her

00:02:52.710 --> 00:02:52.720 | and next month i'll lose my parental

00:02:53.589 --> 00:02:53.599 | rights

00:03:05.589 --> 00:03:05.599 | i never had a plan you need to have a

00:03:07.270 --> 00:03:07.280 | plan

00:03:08.550 --> 00:03:08.560 | you need to figure out what you're doing

00:03:10.869 --> 00:03:10.879 | with your life for yourself and for your

00:03:19.830 --> 00:03:19.840 | and whatever that plan is going to be

00:03:21.430 --> 00:03:21.440 | it's not going to be some small little

00:03:23.110 --> 00:03:23.120 | move it'll be something major

00:03:24.710 --> 00:03:24.720 | yeah that'll take a lot of strength and

00:03:26.390 --> 00:03:26.400 | courage yeah

00:03:29.830 --> 00:03:29.840 | i know because i feel far behind

00:03:32.229 --> 00:03:32.239 | i'm sorry i feel so far behind so it's

00:03:32.869 --> 00:03:32.879 | like

00:03:36.149 --> 00:03:36.159 | you're 20 years old right 21 now

00:03:39.270 --> 00:03:39.280 | so you're you're still a kid basically

00:03:40.630 --> 00:03:40.640 | and you have lots of years ahead of you

00:03:42.470 --> 00:03:42.480 | hold your daughter she's one

00:03:45.110 --> 00:03:45.120 | one yeah so basically you have all the

00:03:47.670 --> 00:03:47.680 | time in the world to get this right

00:03:50.949 --> 00:03:50.959 | and if you made a major move that might

00:03:52.949 --> 00:03:52.959 | impact your

00:03:56.470 --> 00:03:56.480 | income but eventually will

00:04:00.070 --> 00:04:00.080 | positively impact your child's

00:04:02.309 --> 00:04:02.319 | life and your happiness and your

00:04:03.589 --> 00:04:03.599 | stability and

00:04:04.949 --> 00:04:04.959 | everything else i think that could be a

00:04:06.869 --> 00:04:06.879 | great move but it's gonna it's gonna

00:04:08.869 --> 00:04:08.879 | take some courage to do that

00:04:10.710 --> 00:04:10.720 | yeah i've been trying to like take up

00:04:11.990 --> 00:04:12.000 | hobbies and

00:04:15.589 --> 00:04:15.599 | stuff like that like i like doing nails

00:04:17.749 --> 00:04:17.759 | i don't know it's all i've always had a

00:04:19.670 --> 00:04:19.680 | dream being a nail technician

00:04:28.469 --> 00:04:28.479 | take

00:04:30.230 --> 00:04:30.240 | do you think do you think quitting

00:04:32.070 --> 00:04:32.080 | crystal meth will be

00:04:40.950 --> 00:04:40.960 | yeah do i want to

00:04:54.830 --> 00:04:54.840 | was you was your father ever in your

00:04:56.300 --> 00:04:56.310 | life no

00:04:57.590 --> 00:04:57.600 | [Music]

00:05:00.230 --> 00:05:00.240 | so i'm like your surrogate father now

00:05:02.230 --> 00:05:02.240 | after the last video on this one

00:05:04.629 --> 00:05:04.639 | i'm giving you all this fatherly advice

00:05:05.990 --> 00:05:06.000 | but it's really just it's just common

00:05:07.189 --> 00:05:07.199 | sense you know

00:05:08.710 --> 00:05:08.720 | you know because i've interviewed so

00:05:10.629 --> 00:05:10.639 | many like hundreds of girls that

00:05:12.950 --> 00:05:12.960 | do what you do and even the ones that

00:05:15.110 --> 00:05:15.120 | tell me they're happy

00:05:18.070 --> 00:05:18.080 | they're not i don't call them on it but

00:05:19.990 --> 00:05:20.000 | i but i listen to them

00:05:25.590 --> 00:05:25.600 | i don't see how a human can really be

00:05:27.510 --> 00:05:27.520 | happy

00:05:30.870 --> 00:05:30.880 | doing what you do and what would you

00:05:32.710 --> 00:05:32.720 | rather be rich or happy

00:05:36.390 --> 00:05:36.400 | happy yeah especially when

00:05:44.230 --> 00:05:44.240 | we want to be strong for our babies but

00:05:50.150 --> 00:05:50.160 | yeah it's hard being happy and raising a

00:05:52.070 --> 00:05:52.080 | kid i think that's why

00:05:55.430 --> 00:05:55.440 | i kind of just gave up

00:05:57.350 --> 00:05:57.360 | i had to say i gave up on my daughter

00:05:58.710 --> 00:05:58.720 | but

00:06:02.790 --> 00:06:02.800 | it's i gave up because i knew she was

00:06:07.029 --> 00:06:07.039 | gonna be okay and i prayed for it

00:06:21.270 --> 00:06:21.280 | i'm thankful i'm lucky is she okay

00:06:32.830 --> 00:06:32.840 | one day being your age and watching this

00:06:34.469 --> 00:06:34.479 | video

00:06:35.590 --> 00:06:35.600 | and hearing you struggle with your

00:06:40.469 --> 00:06:40.479 | and it's up to you to make that that

00:06:42.230 --> 00:06:42.240 | change in your life

00:06:43.350 --> 00:06:43.360 | you can either continue with what you're

00:06:45.749 --> 00:06:45.759 | doing and you know where that'll lead

00:06:47.990 --> 00:06:48.000 | or you can make a big change that very

00:07:05.749 --> 00:07:05.759 | i'm like sometimes sometimes glad you

00:07:07.589 --> 00:07:07.599 | know i didn't raise it

00:07:14.150 --> 00:07:14.160 | like i've been talking to myself in god

00:07:16.070 --> 00:07:16.080 | a lot it's just like

00:07:19.430 --> 00:07:19.440 | [__] i try to be honest

00:07:25.430 --> 00:07:25.440 | it's like being so honest with myself is

00:07:26.950 --> 00:07:26.960 | it's kind of hurting me too because it's

00:07:29.350 --> 00:07:29.360 | like the more i'm honest with myself i

00:07:30.070 --> 00:07:30.080 | start to realize

00:07:31.589 --> 00:07:31.599 | that i'm just starting to accept the

00:07:34.309 --> 00:07:34.319 | [__] like you know like yeah

00:07:35.830 --> 00:07:35.840 | i'm out here i'm getting high you know

00:07:37.749 --> 00:07:37.759 | my daughter's okay it's all right

00:07:41.430 --> 00:07:41.440 | but it's not all right

00:07:45.749 --> 00:07:45.759 | but um i'm angry i'm disappointed

00:07:49.589 --> 00:07:49.599 | but i'm happy if that makes sense what

00:07:54.710 --> 00:07:54.720 | i'm happy that she's not going to be

00:07:57.510 --> 00:07:57.520 | raised by a depressed

00:08:06.230 --> 00:08:06.240 | because i'm the outcome of a depressed

00:08:08.150 --> 00:08:08.160 | insecure mom being

00:08:11.110 --> 00:08:11.120 | raising a daughter on her own right but

00:08:12.550 --> 00:08:12.560 | even more important than your child i

00:08:13.029 --> 00:08:13.039 | think is

00:08:14.950 --> 00:08:14.960 | is your own well-being yeah because if

00:08:16.550 --> 00:08:16.560 | you're happy and healthy

00:08:17.749 --> 00:08:17.759 | your child is going to be happy and

00:08:19.670 --> 00:08:19.680 | healthy so if you take care of yourself

00:08:21.029 --> 00:08:21.039 | you're actually taking care of your kid

00:08:22.550 --> 00:08:22.560 | i believe

00:08:23.589 --> 00:08:23.599 | and do you want to spend the rest of

00:08:27.830 --> 00:08:27.840 | your life being depressed and angry

00:08:36.469 --> 00:08:36.479 | yeah so i definitely try to talk

00:08:40.389 --> 00:08:40.399 | more let's try to just let stuff go

00:08:45.190 --> 00:08:45.200 | so i don't just sit inside of my pity

00:08:47.190 --> 00:08:47.200 | yeah but it's it's going to be up to you

00:08:48.230 --> 00:08:48.240 | to break the cycle

00:08:49.829 --> 00:08:49.839 | you know your dad wasn't around your mom

00:08:51.269 --> 00:08:51.279 | was

00:08:54.630 --> 00:08:54.640 | is your mom still working no

00:08:57.750 --> 00:08:57.760 | no she's um she's still an addict but

00:08:59.430 --> 00:08:59.440 | um but whatever your mom was not the

00:09:00.949 --> 00:09:00.959 | best role model

00:09:03.590 --> 00:09:03.600 | you can put it that way but it's not her

00:09:09.430 --> 00:09:09.440 | she's one of the reasons but she's just

00:09:10.550 --> 00:09:10.560 | not

00:09:14.389 --> 00:09:14.399 | the fault for my decisions

00:09:19.420 --> 00:09:19.430 | so it's good that you're taking

00:09:22.630 --> 00:09:22.640 | responsibility

00:09:23.990 --> 00:09:24.000 | but at some point you need to really

00:09:26.470 --> 00:09:26.480 | take the reins and just

00:09:27.829 --> 00:09:27.839 | steer your life in a very different

00:09:29.670 --> 00:09:29.680 | direction and maybe it's one that you're

00:09:31.269 --> 00:09:31.279 | that you haven't seen before your

00:09:32.550 --> 00:09:32.560 | siblings aren't doing it and your mom

00:09:34.630 --> 00:09:34.640 | didn't do it and your dad didn't do it

00:09:37.590 --> 00:09:37.600 | yeah my sister um i got a call a couple

00:09:39.590 --> 00:09:39.600 | weeks ago my sister she just went to

00:09:42.389 --> 00:09:42.399 | prison for murder

00:09:45.590 --> 00:09:45.600 | and my sister was you know she was

00:09:48.829 --> 00:09:48.839 | she's [__] up in the head well messed

00:09:50.070 --> 00:09:50.080 | up

00:09:54.470 --> 00:09:54.480 | every drug you name it she did it and um

00:09:57.590 --> 00:09:57.600 | i knew one day she was gonna snap

00:10:00.389 --> 00:10:00.399 | but to actually get the call was coming

00:10:03.350 --> 00:10:03.360 | it's kind of crazy

00:10:07.750 --> 00:10:07.760 | just like don't let it be me because

00:10:10.870 --> 00:10:10.880 | you get tired of you know the men

00:10:13.990 --> 00:10:14.000 | you know out there roughing you up

00:10:17.990 --> 00:10:18.000 | you know arguing fighting you know

00:10:24.389 --> 00:10:24.399 | you know when i wake up in the morning

00:10:28.310 --> 00:10:28.320 | not today you know i hope the day after

00:10:29.590 --> 00:10:29.600 | that i gotta keep

00:10:33.670 --> 00:10:33.680 | the focus what do you think it is

00:10:36.630 --> 00:10:36.640 | you're chasing money so you can get your

00:10:38.870 --> 00:10:38.880 | drug

00:10:40.710 --> 00:10:40.720 | so you can just stay on that cycle that

00:10:46.310 --> 00:10:46.320 | it leaves you with no no good options

00:10:48.389 --> 00:10:48.399 | for your future

00:10:49.670 --> 00:10:49.680 | i think the last time we spoke you said

00:10:54.640 --> 00:10:54.650 | yeah are you still saving money

00:11:00.790 --> 00:11:00.800 | and on top of that it's such a dangerous

00:11:08.630 --> 00:11:08.640 | i watched a man die for the first time

00:11:12.790 --> 00:11:12.800 | and uh so i had to

00:11:15.269 --> 00:11:15.279 | i happened to be there you know when it

00:11:16.310 --> 00:11:16.320 | happened

00:11:19.350 --> 00:11:19.360 | and he died in my arms

00:11:26.790 --> 00:11:26.800 | and it was scary as [__]

00:11:30.389 --> 00:11:30.399 | who is this um so

00:11:33.910 --> 00:11:33.920 | i know a known guy in in the area of

00:11:47.670 --> 00:11:47.680 | i just heard a gunshot go off and

00:11:52.470 --> 00:11:52.480 | i saw him running i knew him and

00:11:57.110 --> 00:11:57.120 | i just held him i don't have to do

00:12:04.949 --> 00:12:04.959 | and i was here so i have to leave my

00:12:05.829 --> 00:12:05.839 | room

00:12:10.550 --> 00:12:10.560 | um leave that area i just didn't want to

00:12:12.230 --> 00:12:12.240 | be a part of the politics and the

00:12:13.829 --> 00:12:13.839 | talking and

00:12:23.590 --> 00:12:23.600 | yeah it's like situation after situation

00:12:25.190 --> 00:12:25.200 | and i keep catching myself in these

00:12:27.430 --> 00:12:27.440 | crazy eye situations and it's like

00:12:30.310 --> 00:12:30.320 | when is this [__] going to stop it's not

00:12:32.310 --> 00:12:32.320 | it's not

00:12:35.829 --> 00:12:35.839 | so it's up to one person to make it stop

00:12:36.949 --> 00:12:36.959 | and you're gonna have to make a bold

00:12:39.590 --> 00:12:39.600 | move

00:12:45.190 --> 00:12:45.200 | but it'll feel you feel really good two

00:12:47.110 --> 00:12:47.120 | three years later

00:12:53.190 --> 00:12:53.200 | i know you're young now but you know

00:12:55.190 --> 00:12:55.200 | you'll be 30 40

00:13:11.829 --> 00:13:11.839 | i'm sorry i don't want to feel that path

00:13:20.310 --> 00:13:20.320 | i want to be on the right path nobody i

00:13:39.829 --> 00:13:39.839 | she's one of the very few that's

00:13:42.150 --> 00:13:42.160 | actually doing some things to change her

00:14:00.550 --> 00:14:00.560 | looks like i'm so beautiful i'm so smart

00:14:07.110 --> 00:14:07.120 | yeah you're all those things but when

00:14:09.110 --> 00:14:09.120 | it's when it comes down to like

00:14:21.269 --> 00:14:21.279 | what i hear from a lot of people that

00:14:26.710 --> 00:14:26.720 | you just can't you just get tired of all

00:14:28.310 --> 00:14:28.320 | the [__]

00:14:30.710 --> 00:14:30.720 | because there's a lot of it doing this

00:14:36.949 --> 00:14:36.959 | and once you get tired of it and you

00:14:39.430 --> 00:14:39.440 | just draw the line you won't tolerate it

00:14:40.870 --> 00:14:40.880 | anymore

00:14:44.069 --> 00:14:44.079 | that's when you'll do it and that'll

00:14:46.790 --> 00:14:46.800 | mean stopping the drugs it'll mean

00:14:50.069 --> 00:14:50.079 | finding a new way to support yourself

00:14:51.910 --> 00:14:51.920 | those are really hard decisions scary

00:15:06.870 --> 00:15:06.880 | whatever you're going to do to make

00:15:08.150 --> 00:15:08.160 | yourself happy is going to require

00:15:10.389 --> 00:15:10.399 | courage that's all i can tell you

00:15:11.990 --> 00:15:12.000 | you're not just going to be happy

00:15:14.069 --> 00:15:14.079 | because you got lucky

00:16:00.949 --> 00:16:00.959 | it's a different kind of pain

00:16:27.350 --> 00:16:27.360 | and probably your guilt and shame makes

00:16:29.189 --> 00:16:29.199 | you

00:16:50.470 --> 00:16:50.480 | being pretty and don't get you that far

00:16:52.150 --> 00:16:52.160 | you know like

00:16:54.310 --> 00:16:54.320 | sometimes everybody just don't get to

00:16:55.590 --> 00:16:55.600 | float through life

00:16:57.350 --> 00:16:57.360 | whatever kids tell you so beautiful

00:16:59.670 --> 00:16:59.680 | you're so beautiful but

00:17:01.990 --> 00:17:02.000 | when you don't feel beautiful inside it

00:17:02.870 --> 00:17:02.880 | really doesn't

00:17:08.470 --> 00:17:08.480 | some of the most attractive people i've

00:17:10.309 --> 00:17:10.319 | met are the most self-destructive people

00:17:11.189 --> 00:17:11.199 | i've met

00:17:26.870 --> 00:17:26.880 | another question to ask yourself is you

00:17:28.069 --> 00:17:28.079 | want to be attractive or you want to be

00:17:32.870 --> 00:17:32.880 | i'd rather be happy right i want to feel

00:17:34.549 --> 00:17:34.559 | happiness

00:17:40.630 --> 00:17:40.640 | i just gotta get tired of it the missing

00:17:41.909 --> 00:17:41.919 | the missing

00:17:46.630 --> 00:17:46.640 | part of the puzzle here is courage yeah

00:17:47.510 --> 00:17:47.520 | because the moves you're going to have

00:17:49.990 --> 00:17:50.000 | to make are going to require courage

00:17:53.029 --> 00:17:53.039 | you're going to have to take a risk make

00:17:55.270 --> 00:17:55.280 | some bold moves that are going to

00:18:00.789 --> 00:18:00.799 | sound crazy and feel scary

00:18:01.990 --> 00:18:02.000 | but that's that's what it's going to

00:18:12.070 --> 00:18:12.080 | i think it's good that you're actually

00:18:13.909 --> 00:18:13.919 | asking or talking about these kind of

00:18:14.390 --> 00:18:14.400 | things

00:18:15.669 --> 00:18:15.679 | you're asking these questions you're

00:18:18.070 --> 00:18:18.080 | you're talking about it because

00:18:19.669 --> 00:18:19.679 | and that's why i like that you do this

00:18:21.990 --> 00:18:22.000 | because it's like

00:18:25.510 --> 00:18:25.520 | success imagine sitting in a room

00:18:27.990 --> 00:18:28.000 | with 20 people that are doing the same

00:18:29.029 --> 00:18:29.039 | [__] that you're doing

00:18:31.430 --> 00:18:31.440 | getting high you know running the

00:18:32.710 --> 00:18:32.720 | streets

00:18:36.070 --> 00:18:36.080 | like do you really think i want to talk

00:18:36.549 --> 00:18:36.559 | to you

00:18:42.710 --> 00:18:42.720 | you are going through 10 times worse so

00:18:49.190 --> 00:18:49.200 | yeah i let my emotions out a lot

00:18:55.990 --> 00:18:56.000 | but the people you're hanging out with

00:19:04.230 --> 00:19:04.240 | i mean i'm an introvert so i don't

00:19:10.789 --> 00:19:10.799 | i'm not social butterfly

00:19:16.470 --> 00:19:16.480 | so when i do feel my emotions

00:19:31.830 --> 00:19:31.840 | that just means you have the ability to

00:19:32.310 --> 00:19:32.320 | channel

00:19:34.390 --> 00:19:34.400 | all that energy all that emotional

00:19:35.830 --> 00:19:35.840 | energy into something positive

00:19:38.630 --> 00:19:38.640 | if you can just because you're an

00:19:39.750 --> 00:19:39.760 | introvert doesn't mean you can't do

00:19:41.430 --> 00:19:41.440 | great things

00:19:48.230 --> 00:19:48.240 | your energy your emotions are all inside

00:19:49.830 --> 00:19:49.840 | and you can channel that into some kind

00:19:52.710 --> 00:19:52.720 | of positivity some kind of

00:19:54.070 --> 00:19:54.080 | something to find the courage to do what

00:19:58.470 --> 00:19:58.480 | because i can see you very clearly in my

00:20:00.870 --> 00:20:00.880 | imagination living a great life being

00:20:02.630 --> 00:20:02.640 | with your daughter

00:20:06.630 --> 00:20:06.640 | having a job being stable

00:20:08.870 --> 00:20:08.880 | not using i can see that so so easily

00:20:14.070 --> 00:20:14.080 | smiling being happy spending time with

00:20:16.470 --> 00:20:16.480 | your with your daughter

00:20:19.510 --> 00:20:19.520 | it's easy to imagine but

00:20:20.630 --> 00:20:20.640 | if you're running the streets hanging

00:20:21.830 --> 00:20:21.840 | out with people that are doing the exact

00:20:24.870 --> 00:20:24.880 | same thing everyone's using drugs

00:20:26.149 --> 00:20:26.159 | everyone's sharing stories about the

00:20:27.669 --> 00:20:27.679 | crazy [__] that happens on the streets

00:20:34.950 --> 00:20:34.960 | anywhere

00:20:36.470 --> 00:20:36.480 | no one doing that is happy even the ones

00:20:37.590 --> 00:20:37.600 | that tell you they're happy are not

00:20:45.909 --> 00:20:45.919 | and the fact you might use your rights

00:20:48.710 --> 00:20:48.720 | to visit your your daughter

00:20:50.230 --> 00:20:50.240 | coming up gives you every reason to do

00:20:52.630 --> 00:20:52.640 | it sooner than later right

00:20:56.149 --> 00:20:56.159 | yeah yeah

00:20:58.710 --> 00:20:58.720 | there'll be a court date coming up yeah

00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:34.400 | i think you have all the tools and

00:21:35.909 --> 00:21:35.919 | intelligence and everything you need to

00:21:38.470 --> 00:21:38.480 | do what you need to do

00:21:41.430 --> 00:21:41.440 | you just need the courage to do it and

00:21:43.510 --> 00:21:43.520 | no one's going to give you the courage

00:21:45.669 --> 00:21:45.679 | i can't do it your boyfriend can't do it

00:21:50.950 --> 00:21:50.960 | we can support you we can tell you

00:21:53.350 --> 00:21:53.360 | you're doing the right thing but

00:22:11.990 --> 00:22:12.000 | do it yeah

00:22:16.630 --> 00:22:16.640 | i got two i got two you do

00:22:19.110 --> 00:22:19.120 | and again it's not for your daughter

00:22:20.950 --> 00:22:20.960 | it's for you

00:22:24.149 --> 00:22:24.159 | because if you do it for you who's going

00:22:25.350 --> 00:22:25.360 | to benefit most

00:22:28.710 --> 00:22:28.720 | your daughter and you so don't do it

00:22:30.070 --> 00:22:30.080 | don't do it for someone else do it for

00:22:32.789 --> 00:22:32.799 | yourself because you deserve it

00:22:33.990 --> 00:22:34.000 | your daughter wants you to be happy

00:22:40.870 --> 00:22:40.880 | everyone around you wants to be happy

00:22:43.909 --> 00:22:43.919 | yeah i have no choice but to do better

00:22:45.590 --> 00:22:45.600 | well it's not about having no choices

00:23:20.710 --> 00:23:20.720 | just keep in mind that the family you

00:23:23.110 --> 00:23:23.120 | came from the environment you're in

00:23:24.789 --> 00:23:24.799 | none of it really supports you doing

00:23:26.870 --> 00:23:26.880 | what you need to do what

00:23:28.710 --> 00:23:28.720 | you have no role models that did this

00:23:31.110 --> 00:23:31.120 | you have no

00:23:32.149 --> 00:23:32.159 | i don't know if you have any friends

00:23:33.909 --> 00:23:33.919 | that have done it megan has done it

00:23:35.190 --> 00:23:35.200 | that's the only one i can think of

00:23:38.149 --> 00:23:38.159 | that i know you know she seems to be

00:24:25.669 --> 00:24:25.679 | you should give megan a call or devin is

00:24:27.510 --> 00:24:27.520 | her video's title

00:24:31.190 --> 00:24:31.200 | give her a call and uh just

00:24:33.350 --> 00:24:33.360 | bounce some ideas off of her because she

00:24:34.870 --> 00:24:34.880 | has courage and she has intelligence and

00:24:37.269 --> 00:24:37.279 | beauty like you do

00:25:01.029 --> 00:25:01.039 | maybe you can learn something from her

00:25:10.789 --> 00:25:10.799 | because my life hasn't been

00:25:13.990 --> 00:25:14.000 | that tragic you know i haven't

00:25:17.590 --> 00:25:17.600 | been through most i heard so many people

00:25:18.950 --> 00:25:18.960 | go through so many things

00:25:23.430 --> 00:25:23.440 | but that's how i realized

00:25:27.510 --> 00:25:27.520 | you know depression is real

00:25:32.470 --> 00:25:32.480 | it'll take you to some places that you

00:25:35.110 --> 00:25:35.120 | never wanted to be never could have

00:25:36.470 --> 00:25:36.480 | imagined

00:25:40.710 --> 00:25:40.720 | so you know it takes me you know

00:25:43.909 --> 00:25:43.919 | i gotta start to love myself

00:25:51.190 --> 00:25:51.200 | that's the answer and that's what'll

00:25:53.269 --> 00:25:53.279 | bring you the courage

00:25:54.830 --> 00:25:54.840 | that'll help you make the right

00:25:57.430 --> 00:25:57.440 | decisions

00:26:10.710 --> 00:26:10.720 | i'd love to see you make some changes

00:26:23.430 --> 00:26:23.440 | can you imagine what your life might be

00:26:24.789 --> 00:26:24.799 | like if you got your life straight and

00:26:25.909 --> 00:26:25.919 | you got your daughter back and did all

00:26:26.870 --> 00:26:26.880 | that kind of stuff

00:26:29.750 --> 00:26:29.760 | yeah that's good i dream about it every

00:26:44.789 --> 00:26:44.799 | keep that keep that in your mind

00:27:14.870 --> 00:27:14.880 | all right abby well thank you for coming

00:27:17.029 --> 00:27:17.039 | by again thank you so much

00:27:19.350 --> 00:27:19.360 | and i i hope the next month for you is

00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:24.960 | keep some of these things we talked

00:27:27.750 --> 00:27:27.760 | about in your in your head and it's

00:27:30.070 --> 00:27:30.080 | it's it's kind of time to do things and

00:27:30.870 --> 00:27:30.880 | make some changes

00:27:39.510 --> 00:27:39.520 | how many 30 40 50 year old ladies have i

00:27:40.789 --> 00:27:40.799 | interviewed that are

00:27:41.830 --> 00:27:41.840 | been doing this since they were

00:27:43.430 --> 00:27:43.440 | teenagers and they're still doing it now

00:27:44.070 --> 00:27:44.080 | and they

00:27:46.310 --> 00:27:46.320 | they're not getting out the only time

00:27:47.590 --> 00:27:47.600 | they get out is when they're forced out

00:27:49.110 --> 00:27:49.120 | because they're

00:28:02.490 --> 00:28:02.500 | too old right yeah

00:28:09.350 --> 00:28:09.360 | i'd love to see you smile more

00:28:15.990 --> 00:28:16.000 | encourage you'll bring that

00:28:28.310 --> 00:28:28.320 | thank you party